So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
