I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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