I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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