She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
