At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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