There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
