If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
tell me about the fingering
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