As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
