kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
