am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
