I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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