Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
