I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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