I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
