Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
