i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
