Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
