oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
