how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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