I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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