I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
