youre lurking in front of me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
