dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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