Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
