Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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