Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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