Soap is not a condiment
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
