i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
