its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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