That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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