I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
