Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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