she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
