I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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