just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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