So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
