My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
