chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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