so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
