Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
