i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
