well I can't set my house on fire every night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
