yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
