fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
