I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
