well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
