I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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