Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
