I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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