i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize