I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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