i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize