Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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