Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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