now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
