your parents love me but you hate me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
