Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He shit in the fireplace
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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