he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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