My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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