No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
