She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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