in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
