Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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