Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
