oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
