I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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