Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize