So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
