cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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