barbara walters just said penis...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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