I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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