nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
