Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
