I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
