He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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