After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
