U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
