i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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