I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Be still, my beating vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
