so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
