Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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