yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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