That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
