Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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