yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
