so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
