Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
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