what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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