I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
